Last night’s realization led me to a string of more realizatons.
I was home early from graduate school and was making myself a vegetable salad when I was disturbed by a glare in my window. It is not often that I get that – a view of the sun setting – living as I am on the 28th floor of a condominium building. I went and took a better look (albeit, quick look) from my veranda and I was mesmerized by the beauty of the sun setting upon one of Manila’s metropolitan business districts on a lazy and quiet Saturday afternoon. It was a glorious and amazing view.
Rushing in to get my camera to capture the moment, I heard (rather than saw) the boiling water pot and so I stopped to pour some on my carrots and broccolis. In my mind, I took only a fraction of a minute. It may have been, I wouldn’t know now but that “fraction of a minute” lost me the chance to capture a moment I may not have again for a very long time.
That made me really sad. I have never been one to look back and regret the things that I wasn’t able to do and experience in my life. I have always been the go-getter, move-on-do-better-things kind. Missing that particular sunset got to me, however. I don’t know why but it did. It got me to thinking of the many other things I missed because I chose to do the more predictable, the more mundane, the more comfortable thing to do at a particular moment. It got me to start looking back at the chances I missed in this life and what those chances might have translated to – had I the time, the guts and the good sense to take, capture and embrace them.
I missed my first sunset in the metro for a long time because I was cooking vegetables.
I missed Aerosmith’s concert in Manila because I was too tired from work.
I missed my niece’s 7th birthday because I was rushing for a meeting and so I failed to book a flight.
I missed saying sorry to my ex-boyfriend because I was so busy making a career for myself.
I missed my chance at a final farewell to my Dad because I was helping other people make their own farewells.
Twelve hours later, I am still stringing together all the regrets – the chances that I missed – that I have relegated to the back of my mind. I know some time soon (in a minute, preferrably), I should stop. I should start cutting the strings of regrets and weave together colourful captured moments instead.
I should.
and so it goes... 